The teacher filter

A large amount of what teachers say can be ignored on the grounds of being irrelevant, repetitious or dull.

You learn to pay attention when they start raising their voices, speaking directly to you and/or flaring their nostrils, but otherwise you’d be wasting your eardrums by hanging on every word.  Once you grow up and realise that teachers are just your mates from school but grown-up, you question anything that a teacher says unless they are reading it straight out of a textbook.  And even then, that book was written by some other grown-up child, so you see the best thing to do is filter out most of that white teacher noise.

The parent filter

Very similar to ‘the teacher filter’ (see above), but with the exception that parents tend to refer less to textbooks than teachers do and more to their own life experiences (which basically means they didn’t go to university and don’t know any good books).  Boring life experiences which they over-dramatise and like to repeat until you feel like shouting at them in the face, ‘You’ve told me this one a million times before and it wasn’t interesting or inspiring the first time!’  Hence the filter.

The kid filter

Because I’m now growing a child I feel that I’m allowed to say (still probably not) that children are generally quite annoying.  Asking silly questions, speaking too much or not enough, demanding to be entertained and behaving mostly in an ungrateful way.  It took me the longest of all to learn how to apply this filter and to not feel like a bad person just because I (understandably) wanted to block out the noisy, irritating noises that come only from littler people.

The bullshit filter

Probably the most important of all the filters to acquire.  The ability to block out or at least recognise bullshit when you hear or see it. It’s everywhere. People speaking untruths. In meetings, within advertising, in all aspects of customer service, on the news, spurting from the mouths of friends and foes alike, loved ones and non-loved relatives.  People talk a lot. And they talk a lot of shit.

To be able to filter bullshit out is surely a lesson worth teaching at school in order to free up more time to actually do something worthwhile with our lives that we could then go on to tell our kids, pupils or write in some textbook.

I’m very excited about meeting you, I’m nearly 37 weeks pregnant with you so it won’t be long until we meet now.  I wonder what you will look like and what your personality will be like.  I hope that we get on really well and that we’ll be friends forever.  I would really like that.

I have included some things that I have learnt so far in my life.  Hopefully you will see some truth in them too.

Friends.  Probably the single most important thing that will help you in all stages of your life.  Treasure good friends and make the effort to keep in touch with the ones that really matter to you.  Distance yourself from people who are negative and who bring you down.  Surround yourself with those who make your mouth ache from smiling and who encourage you to be the best that you can be.

Family.  Ok, so you can’t pick your family and you may have less favourite members, but remember that we all love you. We all show our love in different ways and sometimes you may doubt it, but be reassured it’s as strong as the pull of the ocean and there is nothing that your loved ones won’t do for you.  Family is everything.  They are the ones that will be left when no-one else is.  When you’re being horrible and mean and rude.  We will still be here.  There’s nothing you can do that will stop us loving you.

Men. What can I say? Your Dad and I will bring you up to know your own mind, so trust it.  Trust your instincts when it comes to men, if it doesn’t feel right it isn’t. Men don’t always tell the truth, but not all of them lie.  For every bad one you come across there’s a good one who will treat you how you deserve.  Be careful not to take for granted when you do come across a good man who makes you happy.  Men may not be your preference, like I said, you will know your own mind and as long as you’re being true to yourself, we will be happy with your choices in life so don’t worry.

Work.  Try and find something that you enjoy doing, because you’re likely to be doing it for a while and the more you enjoy it, the less like work it will seem.  It’s okay if you don’t get it right first time, don’t be afraid to change jobs and try different things.  It’s easy to get settled in a job that isn’t right for you, try and find the strength to move on if this is the case.  You will always kick yourself for not doing it sooner when you do find something better.

Passion.  Find something or some things in your life that you are really passionate about (it may not be work, but great if it is) and wherever you go, go with all your heart.

Travel.  Do it.  Travel as much as you can, whenever you can, wherever you want.  Say yes to every offer of an adventure that you get.  You will regret the things that you don’t do when you get older, not the things that you did, take it from me, I am lucky to have few regrets but not everyone can say the same.

Politeness.  You must be polite.  This is a must.  Don’t forget to say please, thank you, I love you and most importantly, sorry.  Be polite even when the situation or person doesn’t deserve it.  You won’t get respect if you can’t be polite and it shows good strength of character.  You are no better or no worse than anyone else, remember this, it’s important.  No-one should talk down to you.  But when someone does (they will), it doesn’t give you the automatic right to do the same to them.  Take a breath.  Think about your response for a second.  I know it’s hard (not one of my strong points either) but try.  You will come out of a situation better if you don’t lose control.  If someone needs to be told, pick your time and words carefully.  What would a really cool film character do in the same situation?  Would they rant and rave over the other person or would they wait till they had finished ranting, then look deep into the persons eyes and say something cutting, witty and true to put the person in their place?  Try and be cool.

Fear.  Be brave.  To really make the most of this life you will have to take some leaps of faith, not knowing if it’s the right thing to do at the time or not.  Be intelligent.  Not all risks are worth taking or are a sensible idea, but if they’re not too dangerous and won’t hurt anyone, try it.  At least you’ll never wonder, what if.

Love.  Be careful with your heart.  But when you choose to love, love passionately and with all of yourself.  You may get hurt and it won’t be nice but at least you will know that you gave everything, no regrets, and then move on.  You must let go of the past.  It will only make you miserable if you hold onto things, you must always try and move forwards.

Be thankful.  Be grateful for all the good things that you have in your life. You are luckier than you know. It’s easy to always want more. It’s good to strive for better but don’t get so lost in moving forwards that you don’t stop and look around every once in a while.

That’s it for now my baby daughter.

See you soon, I can’t wait.

Love you loads already,

Mum xx

P.S. I forgot one.  Parents.  We have been around for a while so it’s possible that we may know what you’re going through when we offer you advice. But remember our opinions are our own, not yours and we’re not always right. At least hear us out, then make up your own mind.  Don’t go along with what we say as a matter of course, question points of view, don’t be afraid to have your own opinion about things.

Them: Sooooooooo, how’s it going?

Me (with no expression on my face): Weird.

Them (surprised): Weird?

Me: Yeah, weird.

Them: Oh.

Me:  The whole growing a human inside you and your tummy getting bigger by the day, it’s well, really weird.

The lift door opens and they scurry off.

So far I have found people quick to offer you unwanted opinions and slow to offer you a seat on public transport.

People happily ignore you standing by the train doors though, don’t want to share their opinion then, do they? I see you. I used to be you, pretending not to have seen me. It’s okay, if I get that desperate I’ll come and politely ask you for your seat but otherwise I’m good to stand for a bit.  I’m pregnant, not a super-bitch, well at least not yet.

Which as common as it is, is still a very weird thing to happen. The most curious thing about it is that everyone seems to have an opinion or word of wisdom to tell you about the whole deal.

I never figured my pregnancy would become public property and quite frankly it’s annoying. People have never been so forthcoming and forceful with their opinions on my career choices, choice of property or relationship, but with this everyone has a tale of gloom that they insist on sharing with you.  I’ve already heard a thousand more negatives than positives and wonder why people think it’s okay to assume you made the decision to enter parenthood lightly.

There is a smug, patronising air to most of the comments and only one appropriate response allowed from lady with bump – to nod and smile.  For fear that they will think you an unfit mother before it’s even born.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m ecstatic about my pregnancy.  It was planned, and the bump is very much wanted and looked forward to.  But the comments and dramatic tales of woe that go along with it most certainly are not!

I’ve always been a private person, this is no different.  I don’t need to or want to share every detail with every Tom, Nick or Sally and I also don’t want their opinions either.  There is no greater expectations than that on a mother-to-be, someone that already has enough to face physically, mentally and emotionally.

And so I have decided to share my feelings on this, in the hope that I’m not the only bumpy woman who feels this way.  I will continue to share my less conventional views of pending motherhood through my blog.  In part for my own therapy and in part to be a voice to all the people who think it’s okay to offer an unwanted opinion on the matter and say inappropriate things.  It’s not okay, we’re growing a human here, we don’t need your crap on top of it all cheers.

P.S.  For those of you who put these words down to hormones, watch this space…I dare you.

Spring is springing into action and hope is in the air once more. Plants look green and blue and yellow again, gone are the rusty hues. Birds move in flocks in the sky and children’s voices can be heard outside.

Daffodils are the undisputed King of Spring, their triumphant shape, hopeful colour and beautiful perseverance to pop up in the most unexpected places really are a sign of happiness.  Such a friendly flower.

I found a great poem by Mark R Slaughter about Daffodils which I thought summed up my feelings towards them perfectly:

It was a sad moment but we were celebrating her and all the love and kindness that she has passed on to me.  I was thinking about her, missing her, as I ran along the beach and stumbled into ‘love’ written in seaweed and shells.

I smiled.  She was there.

I strolled down to the edge of the water and the waves swept back to reveal a lone heart-shaped stone lying on top of the small gravel, clean from the water.

I leant down to pick it up, drying it off and running my fingers over its smooth surface.  She was definitely there.  And she was saying that she missed me too, but that everything was ok, that there was love.

You don’t generally expect to find love written in seaweed on the beach or shaped in stones in the surf, but when you do, it’s inspiring and quite unworldly.

You finally relent and waste the Doctors time insisting that your bout of flu simply must be worse than the regular stuff going round, but he insists that it’s not and sends you on your merry spluttering way.

You then start whinging to anyone who will listen about how bad you feel and how long you’ve felt this bad and they nod and tell you that they too have had it, and that they probably had it even worse than you, and you nod and think, not bloody likely!

Back on the train this morning after the Christmas break and people are looking decidedly glum.  The corners of everyone’s mouth are pointing down. People are staring, more than usual.  Straight ahead, out of windows, up to the carriage ceiling, down to their shoes.  Behind every mask is the confused thoughts of each person…why is it still not Christmas? Where did the time go?  Why didn’t I take another day off? Whhhhhhhhyyyyyy?

There are good reasons why these faces are so glum, commuting is miserable enough as it is, throw in the first day back to work after Christmas break and you have, well mass depression chugging through the Sussex countryside.

Still, tomorrow can only get better right?

At the end of November, Simon and I moved into a new house in Hove.  We’ve brought the place and it’s all very exciting.  Lots to do, but the house has loads of space and potential so it’s great to think of all the things we can do to make it ours.

We walked down to the front today and I just love being close to the sea again.  The rolling sound of the waves lapping at the pebbles, the endless blue, the calming breeze off of the sea.

Home, sweet Hove.

It’s strange every Christmas when I pull it out because things have changed over the course of the year.

2010 amendments included, one couple split, one friend married, my last grandparent passed, three additions to the world, two people that I’ve lost contact with, one that’s moved overseas, and one on their way to prison.

I can’t help wondering what the 2011 list will look like.